Friday, February 19, 2010

Best ways to the bestseller lists

Sure, some of you out there are thinking, write a really great book. But even with a really great book, there are no guarantees, and seriously, all that work. The actual writing, editing, more editing and then sending it out.

It's time to change our focus to better options.

1) the sex tape - or maybe just rumours of one. It worked for Pamela Anderson, Lauren Conrad had a rumoured sex tape and both are best selling authors. Or maybe I'll get my own perfume line, like Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton. I don't believe I'm a prude, but I do remember fondly the days when someone who had a sex tape was considered nothing more than a porn star.

2) the next obvious step would be to have a reality show. So far MTV has shown no interest in a thirty something mother with sensible, reasonable friends.

3) Have sex with Tiger Woods. Sadly after the thirtieth woman came out of hiding, you have to get in line, and the advances are getting smaller and smaller. It's time to find a new superstar athlete with a devoted wife. Any suggestions?

4) Have your politician husband have scandalous affairs. It means being a politician's wife for several years, which looks a little like work, but a great way to turn a bad situation in to something positive and lucrative.

5) become a well respected politician, athlete, artist. But again, looks like it requres serious effort. Take this approach only if steps 1 through 3 fail.

Now its time to go back to working on the current WIP, until my bestseller plan comes to fruition.


Eileen said...

Oh, Sinead, I'm reading this hysterical book right now called HOW TO BECOME A FAMOUS NOVELIST. It's fiction, but it is oh so on the mark on this topic. It reads like a chick lit novel with a guy protagonist, but the author clearly knows the publishing industry. There's a wonderful scene where his friend who works as an editorial assistant gets drunk and begins to weep about the fact that she can't figure out what books are good anymore and why some books are hits and why some books are flops. It had me alternately weeping and laughing.

Stephanie Doyle said...

Let's see...

1. I don't think so. Despite being fabulous in bed I don't really on a camera very well.

2. Can I be on a reality TV show? I've applied for Survivor twice... so far no luck.

3. This I would do for fun. Sorry - I know he's a cheating scumbag - but he is my original boyfiend. (And hey if I cheat on him with Shaun White it's all good.)

4. This isn't for me. I would NEVER stand on that podium with him. And those dress suits they wear which just scream... MY HUSBAND DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME. Not my style.

I think I would rather just write.

But great ideas!

Maureen McGowan said...

Awesome plan, Sinead! And very funny.

Many days, it does seem like that's what it takes.
Used to be, all you had to do was die to get famous. Now, I'm not sure that even works. Death would have to be scandalous or spectacular in some way... I know... Hit in the head by Stephanie's new boyfriend's snowboard in the middle of his run? Who wouldn't want to read the book of the girl who died like that.

Molly O'Keefe said...

All valid ideas, Sinead and frankly most days seem a little easier than actually doing the work. But they also seem like I would have to do something about my hair.

Stephanie? Tiger is your original boyfriend - your imaginary boyfriends really run the gammet.

The political wife situation has really gotten complicated in the last few years hasn't it? It's like they signed on for politicians and got rock stars, but not cool ones.

We get Esquire and a few months ago they printed some excerpts of letters from JFK to various people - very eye-opening.

Stephanie Doyle said...

Molly - I like to keep a full stable of imaginary boyfriends from all walks of life. You never know what you're taste is going to be.

For example - right now I'm shelving Eric from True Blood until he comes back next season.

In his place - Boston Rob who is back on Survivor and better than ever.

Tiger and I are currently taking a break. In his place I have Shaun White.

And since Hollywood keeps getting younger and younger - I feel like I have to keep up. I just saw 17 Again - and I might be interviewing Zac Ephron for potential boyfriend status.

Or the guy with the Mohawk from Glee. I forget his name right now.

Plus Idol's back. David Cook might need to take a back seat to someone new.

Sinead M said...

My current imaginary boyfriends are all connected to Supernatural.
That show is seriously so great, I think people dismiss it too easily.
But right now, Sam, Dean (even though he acts with his nostrils) and Castiel and Eric Kripke are all my imaginary boyfriends..

Maureen McGowan said...

I heard so many people say they loved Supernatural that I rented the first season. Got so bored.
I think it's an issue, if 18 episodes in, the "previously on Supernatural" sequence is the same one they showed in episode 2...

That said, I do like the dynamic between the brothers, would claim either as my boyfriend, ;) and I have heard the show gets better in subsequent seasons...

The first season was too much "ghost story or urban legend of the week" for me, and since I don't really like ghost stories, I got bored.

But, if Sinead likes it... Hm. maybe should try season 2. Why have we never talked about this one, before???

Kathy Holmes said...

Or become a not-so-respected politician and then dump it for the limelight - lol!

Loved the Tiger Woods standing in line joke. Ha!

Eileen said...

On the political wife front, is anyone else watching The Good Wife?

I'm going to have to ponder this imaginary boyfriend thing. I'm afraid my choices are going to reflect my age. :-)

Maureen McGowan said...

I haven't seen The Good Wife. Was interested, because I think the actress (whose last name I don't feel like trying to spell) is talented and interesting... But there were just too many shows this fall I KNEW I wanted to watch, so didn't try that one. Same reason I initially rejected Vampire Diaries.. If it hadn't been for that marathon in December when there was nothing else on...

But that you like The Good Wife says a lot. Plus, she won the Golden Globe... Must check it out at some point.

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