Thursday, February 07, 2013

Love's Reality

So many who follow this blog may know that my guilty secret is the show the Bachelor/Bachelorette and yes, Bachelor Pad (which by far is the worst and the most fun to watch.) This season’s Bachelor featured 25 Beautiful women… as usual. Although one girl was missing part of her left arm: Sarah. She was quite pretty and explained she’d been born with the deformity. Sean, the Bachelor, took her out on a one on one date and seemed interested at first, but eventually that interest dissipated as his interest in other girls took hold.

Once he decided he wasn’t keeping her around, he didn’t wait for a rose ceremony but instead let her go immediately. I think he thought he was sparing her not being picked. He had previously set a precedent for being somewhat unconventional.
Part of me thought that he treated her differently because of her deformity – which makes him a jerk. Part of me thought since he had previously done things differently and this was just another example of that it might have nothing to do with her deformity. He could have just been a sensitive guy.

But all of me felt bad for Sarah. Because as she left, like so many other jilted girls before her on this show, she cried and said how she had heard it all before. How sweet she was. How nice she was. How pretty she was. How “someday” she was going to make someone so lucky… but how that “day” never came for her.
And again – was this only because of her arm? Was this the one thing separating her from a lifetime of happiness? And that’s when it hit me… Maybe. Or maybe not.

It’s really hard to know what triggers two people into falling in love. It’s just as hard to know what stops them. I write books all the time about the myriad of reasons that have kept people from falling in love for so long only to suddenly find it with that one special person.
So many of us, basically all of us not in love with someone right now, probably have a reason. Sarah thinks it might be her arm. Some probably think it’s their weight. Some because they have acne or one leg is shorter than the other. Or maybe because they live at home, or don’t have a job, or whatever.

The reality is that yes, the “thing” MIGHT be the reason. There are people out there who won’t be interested in another person because of XY or Z. However, it also might NOT be the reason, because the truth about love is that it can be mysterious and elusive.
I guess I don’t have a point other than I had this sad feeling about how hard it might be for a young girl who is different to find love. But then I immediately realized not only a) as brave as she was to go on this show she certainly doesn’t want my pity - but more importantly b) we’re ALL a little different.

Love is magic. As we get ready for our big Valentines Day bonanza week at Storytelling Rules… I just wanted to remind all of you who are happy in love how special it really really is. You too probably had a reason to as to why you weren't in love... right up until the point you were.



Anonymous said...

Who doesn't love the magic that is Bachelor pad?

That is such an interesting question and I wish I'd seen that episode of Bachelor. Don't you find with the Bachelor it's the first impression that stays with him? it's the physical, followed by personality, and he won't be talked out of that first impression.

Right? I'm remembering specifically Ben's season.

Stephanie Doyle said...

Oh - completely. Same is true of this season. Girl gets out of the limo, says hi... he runs inside and gets a rose right then!

Turns out... she's the mean evil one that all the other girls hate. And of course they try to "talk to him" about that.

And he just can't seem to get it into his head because that first impression is all he still sees.

Men - when a girl you like tells you that the reason she doesn't have "girl" friends is because girls don't like her because they are all jealous of her.... run for the hills.

The reason they hate her is NOT because they are jealous but most likely because she is a raving bitch!

Maureen McGowan said...

Oh, Stephanie! What an amazing post! How did I not to to the blog today until now?
It is so easy to guess at reasons why we have or have not found love... and like so many other things in life the simple answer is probably: because we haven't. It's not one easy thing.

But I do think that believing that there's a reason is a self-fulfilling prophecy. And if Sarah believes that it's her arm, then it might be her belief that it's her arm that actually blocks it from happening. So insightful...

And I can't seem to look away from The Bachelor either. Every season I try. Every season I watch anyway.

(And Tierra is the devil. And Sinead is spot on for why Shaun has not seen yet that she is the devil. He doesn't see it because she looked so fucking sexy and curvy in that sparkly black dress coming out of the limo the first night.)

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