I don't mean going out of my mind. I mean getting out of the self-defeatist litany that seems to keep repeating itself in an insidious little whisper over and over these days. My life is a little bit in flux right now. My youngest child is leaving for college in a few short weeks. I'm in the process of finishing up two book contracts, at which point I'll have to decide what to write next (which is a whole 'nother blog post, trust me). I changed day jobs. Nothing is the way it was a few short months ago and I feel completely at sea.
For some reason, I am only able to see the negatives right now. I'm old. I'm fat. I'm a slow runner. I'm not a New York Times Bestselling Author. I don't make enough money. My house is disorganized and messy.
Then today, this young woman I work with at my day job described me to someone else and it took everything bad I was thinking about myself and spun it 180 degrees. I'm all focused on the fact that I can't get below an 11 minute mile. She was all focused on the fact that I'm training for a marathon. I'm all focused on how I have to have a day job and write to support my family. She was all focused on how I manage to both have a day job and write books. I'm focused on being old and fat. She thinks I look great for my age.
She hasn't seen the inside of the house. Even she wouldn't be able to spin that.
Anyway, it made me think about why I'm always looking for the ways that I'm failing instead of the ways that I'm succeeding. I suppose realizing it is the first step, but I'm not quite sure how to shake it or keep it from paralyzing me as it does from time to time.