Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Getting Out of My Own Head

I don't mean going out of my mind. I mean getting out of the self-defeatist litany that seems to keep repeating itself in an insidious little whisper over and over these days. My life is a little bit in flux right now. My youngest child is leaving for college in a few short weeks. I'm in the process of finishing up two book contracts, at which point I'll have to decide what to write next (which is a whole 'nother blog post, trust me). I changed day jobs. Nothing is the way it was a few short months ago and I feel completely at sea.

For some reason, I am only able to see the negatives right now. I'm old. I'm fat. I'm a slow runner. I'm not a New York Times Bestselling Author. I don't make enough money. My house is disorganized and messy.

Then today, this young woman I work with at my day job described me to someone else and it took everything bad I was thinking about myself and spun it 180 degrees. I'm all focused on the fact that I can't get below an 11 minute mile. She was all focused on the fact that I'm training for a marathon. I'm all focused on how I have to have a day job and write to support my family. She was all focused on how I manage to both have a day job and write books. I'm focused on being old and fat. She thinks I look great for my age.

She hasn't seen the inside of the house. Even she wouldn't be able to spin that.

Anyway, it made me think about why I'm always looking for the ways that I'm failing instead of the ways that I'm succeeding. I suppose realizing it is the first step, but I'm not quite sure how to shake it or keep it from paralyzing me as it does from time to time.

Any suggestions?


Stephanie Doyle said...

Oh Eileen I hear you! I wonder is it a woman thing?

Do men sit around and think about what they don't have instead of what they do?

Do we just think that if everything isn't the exact way it's supposed to be in our lives that we're somehow failing in everything?

I think you're lovely! I'm jealous as hell you can run an 11 minute mile and once you're done with your contracts... just think of the possibilities!

Eileen said...

I think you're lovely, too, Steph. Smooch!

Although I do think men do this as well. It expresses itself a little differently, but some of them do it, too.

Maureen McGowan said...

I do that too, Eileen. Part of me thinks that striving to be better and reaching for more is what makes us accomplish so much. But I also know the negative self-talk doesn't do us any favors.

Change is never easy and you're being slapped with a whole bunch of it at once right now. This too shall pass. Because you are awesome.

Eileen said...

I feel out of touch with my inner awesomeness. I wish I knew a way to feel it a little.

Anonymous said...

Eileen, you are awesome and I'm so glad someone was there to remind you of it.

Molly O'Keefe said...

oh man, I'm reading this a week late and I hope it's turned around for you. If it makes you feel any better you are one of the coolest people I know. And I'll run with you any day!!!

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