Monday, April 11, 2011

No. I don't want to.

I love writing. I really do. But today is the day I start a new book and I honestly can't believe I have to do it. I have to put together another 90,000+ words. I have to do that, right now. As soon as I stand up from this blog, it's start writing time. It's marked in blue marker on my calendar. Start Book Today.

Doesn't that seem ridiculous? If I start this right now, I jump right back into the grind. And I just left that grind, spent a week and a half reading and contemplating closet cleaning, picking fights with my husband and it was good. Normal. Lazy, even. But that's all over as soon as I open that file. The next months will vanish in character arc contemplation, arguing with myself over scene selection, hating my poor grammer and limited vocabulary, feeling good about myself only to feel terrible about myself ten minutes later. Getting caught up in some delicious suprise I didn't see coming and some hidden part of my character I managed to unearth. And then, when it's all over, worrying that it's just not good enough.


It's not that I'm not excited about my idea - I totally am. I have an opening scene in mind. But I have to start a book today. Just seems surreal.


Karen Whiddon said...

Ah Molly, I'm right there with you. Except I'm on the tail end of finishing one (due May 1). But I am sooo familiar with the start-a-book-a-phobia.

The trick is not to look at the big picture. The trick is to say "I have to write 1,000 words today" or whatever your word goal is. If I looked at the OMG I have to write 75,000 words - I would shrivel up and die. Or be paralyzed and unable to ever write. Which is sort of the same, right?

Eileen said...

It's kind of like having a sore tooth, isn't it? You can't stop poking it with your tongue, but you don't want to just go ahead and rip it out either.

Andy calls it Stage One. Then he rolls his eyes. Then he and the kids laugh knowingly.

Maureen McGowan said...

This is what I woke up thinking today, too. And so I stayed in bed a couple more hours. Such a mature and healthy way to cope. ;)

I both crave and dread getting caught up in a new story.

Eileen said...

I think making sure you're well-rested before attempting something like starting a new book is just good thinking, Maureen. You should be sure to have a hearty breakfast as well. :-)

Stephanie Doyle said...

I here you! Sometimes it's really crazy that we can start with a blank page and end up with 300 + of them later.

Also sorry to know I missed the drunken conference call! Next time we definitely have to plan that. :)

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