Tuesday, January 10, 2012

5 Things Not to Say to an Author

I am offering this post as a public service both to authors and the people around them. I am the first to admit that we authors can be a tad on the sensitive side. Honestly, we wouldn't be able to do what we do if we weren't. We feel deeply. While we have no choice but to develop thick skins when it comes to the public in terms of reviews and public commentary, it's not always so easy to toughen up that epidermis in social situations. I am offering a list for any of you out there who know an author and would prefer not to have him or her seething or plunged into despair after an encounter with you.

This came up because of an encounter at a book signing I recently attended. The author is a hugely successful (like fourteen or fifteen times at the top of the NY Times Bestseller list successful) guy who lives in my town. He's also a total sweetheart and very supportive and helpful to other authors. I went to try to be supportive back (not that he needs it, but you know what I mean). The signing was huge. Packed. Bigger than any of his other signings I've attended and I've been to probably all the local ones over the past three or four years. We ran into an acquaintance there who said, "So, Eileen, are your book signings this big?"

I was completely floored. My sweet and somewhat clueless sweetheart launched into something about how well-attended my signings are, but I was really stung. What was I supposed to say? No, I'm not as successful as John and probably never will be. It seemed rude to point it out, especially in front of an audience. My honey contends that it wasn't meant as an insult, but was just a casual and thoughtless remark. It still was hurtful, though. Here's a list of a few more casual remarks that tend to leave me gnashing my teeth.

1) Wow. You're really cranking those books out.

I understand that you're trying to say that I'm prolific, but what you're implying is that I'm like a factory. My books are not widgets. I do not crank them out. I work very hard to produce a book a year and sometimes more. I'm crafting, revising, plotting and thinking. Not cranking.

2) You should send your book to Oprah!

I don't get this one as much anymore as most people realize that Oprah is now off the air, but for Pete's sake, really? Do you think the book isn't sent out for promotion? Don't you realize how many people send books to Oprah or Kelly Ripa or any of those celebrities? Do you honestly think that's a helpful hint that no one's considered?

3) Do a lot of research for those books?

Honestly, I've only gotten this one once, but it really stands out as incredibly offensive since we were at a school function and he said it while staring at my boobs which I realize are magnificent, but really?

4) I'll read your book and then I'll tell you what I think of it.

Then the next day I'll stop by your office and tell you how I think you're doing your job, 'kay?

5) So are your books self-published?

This one is slowly leaving my offensive list with the rise of e-pubbing, but it used to drive me nuts. I would not tell you I was a published author if I was self-published. Why are you assuming that no publishing house would want my work? How about just asking what publishing house(s) I write for?

I know there are more, but these are the ones that I can come up with off the top of my head. Any others out there?

19 comments:

Stephanie Doyle said...

Eileen - you've just cracked the surface...

My favorite...

"When are you going to write a big book?"

Yes, I realize my category romances are shorter - and those are what I have published - but I've also written 3 books over 90k... they just never sold.

So get off my back people!

That felt good. That felt really good. Maybe its rant Tuesday. :)

Maureen McGowan said...

The "big book" one happens on all levels. I'm discovering, now I'm writing YA how easy it is to dismiss "books for children".

Karen Whiddon said...

Like Steph said, I get "When are you going to write a real novel?"

The other day, some guy asked me if they (whoever they is) actually print copies of my book that can be bought in stores.

I've been asked how much I have to pay to get my stuff published (really?). I've also been asked how much I make from writing.

Maureen McGowan said...

Oh, and I'll add to your PSA. How are your books selling? And How much do you make?

Stephanie Doyle said...

Ooh I got another one...

When you tell someone you write romance...

"Oh you mean those books with Fabio on the cover?"

Puleeez - Fabio hasn't been on the cover of a book in 20 years!

Eileen said...

Yes, my sisters! Let it out!

I left off all the offensive overly personal questions trying to figure out how much money I make and how I make it. That almost deserves it's own category.

Simone St. James said...

My sister brought an ARC of my book in to her office to show off - "Look, my sister's book!" etc.

Her coworker said, "This sounds good, I'll borrow it." And walked off with my family's one and only ARC of my very first book, signed as a keepsake for my mother, which she is now reading for free.

Do not do this.

Eileen said...

LOL. I got an advance copy of one of my books. One advance copy. My sister TOOK IT INTO A HOT TUB TO READ, then couldn't understand why I snatched it from her hands and almost cried. I mean, I know I was getting more copies in a week or so, but ouch.

Chevy Stevens said...

I am always stunned when people ask me how much I make. I couldn't imagine asking someone that about their job.

Kristen Painter said...

Got this one recently:

"So when are you going on a book tour?"

Eileen said...

It's stunning, isn't it?

Maureen McGowan said...

This is why we need author-friend support groups. And why we drink. ;)

Loreth said...

LOL, Maureen, yes a drink. And a laugh. Sometimes I think we should just get over ourselves. People generally aren't being malicious, just ignorant, and truly interested. I know I've sure asked some dumb questions of various professions. We've got to start somewhere ...

Maureen McGowan said...

Loreth, I totally agree. Most people have no idea.

Kristina Mathews said...

Great post Eileen,
And only your significant other should be allowed to comment on the "research."

I'm yet-to-be published, so I get a lot of "Oh, are you going to self-publish?" I don't take it as an offense, since the tone is usually positive.

The other comment is "When do I get to read it?" That one is trickier, since I'm not sure having my mom or mother-in-law as a critique partner is really going to help.

Molly O'Keefe said...

"Soooo? Do they like give you a formula for those?"

That's my favorite.

And the Oprah thing...honestly and then when I laugh at the question they take it as self-depricating and say "you should try, you should totally try."

Weird.

Eileen said...

I was so tight-lipped about my writing before I was published, most people didn't know so they didn't get to comment. I always flash on the interactions between Stewie and Brian on Family Guy where Stewie starts asking Brian about his novel and how its going. It literally makes me start to hyperventilate.

Maureen McGowan said...

Kristina, I can totally relate to that one. I wish I'd been tight lipped, like Eileen and Sinead..

Way too many people knew and the pitying looks started to get pretty hard to take.

And the "oh, my friend's neighbour decided to write a book and she got it published right away."

Emma said...

You left off the classic,"Hey I have this great idea for a book,how about I tell you,you just write it up,and we split the huge profits?" And personally,I get asked at fantastic cocktail parties," So,you're a pharmacist,does that mean you couldn't hack med school? And can you like,just give me some oxycontins?" So,every profession (ok,sweeping generality,at least our two) has their touchy questions,but you totally have the better support group! Drink up,keep writing,know you have adoring fans,and blog on!

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